Education

Do you know what to say to someone who is dying? It’s no secret that talking about death is very uncomfortable. We are a death-denying culture. When someone close to us faces that reality, we are often at a loss of words.
Listen, Rather Than Speak
“Most of the time I really liked when people said nothing,” remembers Michelle Colon-Johnson, a five time cancer survivor.
In times of uncertainty, we all react in different ways. It’s hard to know what to say to someone who is dying. Some people feel the need to find an answer, or to justify the circumstances. We sometimes feel obligated to say something to fix the problem, but we can’t do that. Nobody expects it, either.
What you should focus on instead is to understand your loved one and to listen to them. It is especially important for you to be there for them. You don’t have to know what to say to someone who is dying. Marty Tousley, a Grief Counselor and moderator for Grief Healing Discussion Groups says, “Don’t desert the one who is dying. Let that person take the lead.”
 
Love Is a Prority
Loving a person who is dying takes precedence over all. You don’t have to pretend that nothing is wrong. Be honest. Feel free to talk about how you feel, but be sure to listen to your loved one as well. Although it may seem counterintuitive, it’s ok to talk about dying even with the person who is facing it. Go above and beyond in fulfilling the needs of your loved one in this time is perhaps the greatest gift you could give them, and we are talking about emotional needs, not medical needs.
 
Someone who is dying should be respected in their decision making. Don’t try to pressure them into making your decisions. They need to decide for themselves what they will do with what little time they have left. If they are conscious, let them take the lead. Just in how you should take cues from them in conversation, let them make decisions in practical and legal issues. You can make suggestions and help them in their requests, but let them be in charge. You shouldn’t put these things off either. Waiting until the last minute to settle matters is never a good idea. Encourage your loved one to address all loose ends sooner rather than later.
Be A Peacemaker